Some of you may have been wondering where I have been lately, or maybe just what I have been doing that is so-fucking-important that I can't write a post once in a while. Or maybe that is just Z. yelling at me.
I find writing about strippers all the time to be a bit cumbersome and trite. I suppose you could call me the Jay-Z of the site, always trying to branch out on to more diverse topics. I have been attempting to figure out what I want to write about next, there is so much. First, I was putting together a piece on my life story, then I was going to do an endorsement piece for the primary. Then I thought about the role of a two parent household and how it is becoming defunct, though it shouldn't be, after that I was thinking of the conspiracy behind the Saudi-ass-reaming we take everyday that others refer to as 'the current price of gas', and how that ties into this useless war we have going on....There is so many life-changing things going on, however, I am having a hard time focusing on just one thing for any period of time. It is like I just can't concentrate.
I can't help but remember how at first Bush was using scare tactics to keep our mind off of what he was doing with the our rights and the economy, what was coined as 'fear' culture. Now it seems as if the whole lot of 'em (loacl and national politicians) are just fucking with me; involved in a conspiracy to keep my, and everyone else attention diverted from, well.... everything. Call it, quite simply, 'The dumbing down of every fucking thing you can think of' culture. It reminds me of a story I once read;
"...It was tragic, all right, but George and Hazel couldn't think about it very hard. Hazel had a perfectly average intelligence, which meant she couldn't think about anything except in short bursts. And George, while his intelligence was way above normal, had a little mental handicap radio in his ear. He was required by law to wear it at all times. It was tuned to a government transmitter. Every twenty seconds or so, the transmitter would send out some sharp noise to keep people like George from taking unfair advantage of their brains."
-Kurt Vonnegut - Harrison Bergeron - 1961
It feels just like that, as if there is a chisel and hammer in my ear that gets pounded every time I try to see the logic in anything I observe on the news or on the AP. I try not to get angry, but I just cannot help it.
So, much like the jigga, sometimes I have to go with my bread and butter. So, in order to ease back into it, I have decided to answer a few e-mails. that works out well seeing as Z. hates people, and I have always wanted my own advice column.
So here it goes:
From: "xxxxxxx xxxxxx"
To: embittered@catharticlament.com
My girlfriend, soon to be ex I believe was very tight liped about her work at the club. So here are my questions to you, old wise man.
1. Is it standard for a dancer to "kiss/make out with her customers? Not all mind you but some of them? (Even whores think this is too personal)
1. Uh, are you serious? Is it usual? Ho, dude, too fucking funny. That is kind of like saying is 'It standard for there to be red sores on the head of my penis?' If you have to ask this, either this is a fake letter or you are just the walking definition of naive. I should just stop right here, because it is obvious you are not thinking clearly, but hey, for fun, I'll finish.
2. Is it unusual for a dancer to go out on "lunch dates" with her regulars so they will spend more money when they come into the club?
Most of her regulars are 10 - 15 years older than her.
2. A considerable amount of dancers do this. If not lunch, dinner or some drinking. I have seen so many girls do this that I consider it 'frequent'. So 'usual' may be a relative term but I would say, if someone asked me, that it happens 'frequently'. Either way, an innocent lunch date versus a coked-out cock sucking fest in Vegas is still a breech of contract, as far as I am concerned. Even if she is friends with the customer, even if she has known him longer than you, even if they were hanging out together as friends before she became a dancer, it is still something you should NEVER tolerate. Think of it like this; No matter how plutonic it is, and even if you videotaped it without either one of them knowing and she still acted aces the whole evening, and he was a total gentleman, it is still disrespectful. She has no reason to do this while she is with someone exclusively. How would she like it if you went out with some female friends, or went to lunch with some specific girl a couple times a week? No matter what she says to herself while she is reading this, she would have a fit.
I said that I had seen so much of this; I should say that just because a girl is going out with a customer by no means is automatic proof she is fucking him/her. In fact, most of the times I have seen it, even when a dancer accepts a plane ticket for a vacation with just the two of them, it is only with the goal to get some money. Whether it is money for meeting him/her, or to establish them as permant regular customers, there is often no sex, head, whatever. But, and I am bit old fashioned in this sense, do you really want a conniving, sneaky, money-pig such as that for a girlfriend or wife anyway? Really, a little dignity.
3. I know part of the illusion is to make the customers fall in love with her I guess this is a basic strip club hustle. I read a card
that one of her customers sent her. Oh I loved taking you to your favorite restaurant, having you bite my nipples at the club, etc. Standard stuff?
3. Standard stuff, like I said. For a whore.
4. Found out 1 guy was paying $1,000 a week to her. Got a hold of her little black book and saw the numbers. She says she is not fucking him but sort of admitted that she ran her bare pussy on his bare cock. Standard? I guess for a grand a week it pretty good. I call that prostitution.
4. I call that 'read what you just wrote'. Dolt.
5. Oh, there is no five. I guess I assumed that your next one would be 'She has some tupperware containers in her freezer, full of cum. She says she only has it there because it was a gift that she could not return without hurting her customers feelings. True?'
Sorry man, could not resist.