I reckon you got a purtee mouth

10. Using duck tape for everything from seat belt repair, mending window screens, keeping a garbage can together, fix your car, or to keep your pants up. Was there, at some point, a contest to see which region of the country could use one product for 50 million fucking things? The popularity of the tape has caused the company to manufacture it in many different colors. Great, something else to confuse these poor souls. I can see it now, a group of country folk standing around, scratchin' their heads in the tape isle of Wal-Mart trying to decide with color of tape would look best on their fender. The worst part about the screen door picture below, is that it is my parents. Ugh!

9. Using toilets/tires as flower pots. Yeah, I get it, waste not want not, but holy fuck. But, I suppose it really shouldn't suprise me, since these are the same sorts of people who use old hub cabs as walk-way stepping stones.

8. A car up on blocks. I get that things happen and you can't finish working on those breaks, or on the transmission within a day or so, but holy fuck, does it really take a year? You don't think your place is ugly enough that you have to add to it by having not one, but two or three vehicles up on blocks or broken down? This house in the picture below has looked like this for years, and I didn't even get the worst part in the picture. Holy fuck, I think they go around on trash days just to add to their collection. Thanks for keeping America beautiful asshole.

7. Misspelling signs. It is bad enough that the world thinks southerners are stupid, inbred hicks; do you have to advertise by writing "Garbage Bend" on your trash cans? Although the guys who pick up your trash probably don't have more than a high school education, I am pretty sure when they see a garbage can with black, twist-tied bags and empty boxes, they can assume it is trash. They don't need your help asswipe. By the way, you can easily pick up a dictionary at Dollar Tree. Guess what, it's a dollar. If you can't afford that, then go to the public library, use the computers and visit www.m-w.com. It is a free online dictionary. Use it. Please.

6. Church signs. All the pithy little comments to try and make me stop and actually attend their services on Sundays. Congratulations, I am glad the church has mastered the art of puns and here I thought they only knew how to pry money out of the hands of the feble minded. On a related note, I also dislike all the 'Jesus' and 'Spirit' shirts made from classic logos, I guess the church is a lot like Puff Daddy and can't come up with anything on its own. But the one thing that makes me laugh more than anything is all the signs. Not just signs on the sides of buildings, but even on people. This is the fucking south. Everyone here knows the bible here, even atheists, do we really need some guy wearing a bright ass yellow sign telling people to repent? They really need to wear a sign that says, "Yes, in fact, I do believe I am better than you.". If that isn't enough, stores feel it is their moral obligation to remind me of the ten commandments. Fuck off.

5. People who don't take pride in where they live. Even if they live in government housing, have some damn pride. I realize privacy is a big deal, but holy fuck, grass that stands 3 feet high? Who the hell are you hiding from? I can only imagine what the inside of their house would be like. If they can't take 25 fucking minutes to mow their yard, I would imagine they are too damn lazy to do the dishes, take out the trash, or clean the shitter in a timely manner. The house in the pic below, the one with the tape on the windows, has looked like that for years. People live there. The only reason the grass isn't up any higher is because it is winter and grass doesn't grow. Fucking lazy asses. Again, thanks for keeping America and your fucking neighborhood clean jackass.

4. Guys who spend more money on their truck than their homes. Do you really need a truck that requires a fucking ladder to get into? Having a truck that large and loud must make them feel like real men and helps them hide the fact that they are probably closet homosexuals, or are very partial to the sheep on grandpas farm.

3. People who let their dogs run loose. There is this white trash lady who lives near me, and holy fuck, it is bad enough her place is a fucking dump, but there is this lil' black and white dog that always chases the car. I am a huge animal person and I swear, if I ever hit this dog and have to deal with that remorse, I will take the carcass and beat the fuck out of that no good worthless white trash whore that lives there.

2. The mullet. Oh my fucking god. Do these people have a mirror? This haircut doesn't even have a gender. Both men and women proudly walk around with this do. It really is not flattering, AT ALL! It didn't work for Billy Ray Cyrus and it sure as fuck doesn't work for some 300 pound moron who, at that size god fucking knows if it is a man or a woman. Good lord, get a mirror.

1. Christmas lights. Oh man, this is a biggie with me. Okay, it is bad enough that stores start putting this shit out in October, and then you begin to see houses popping up in mid-November with lights and trees, but, to have the lights up and burning a month after Christmas? Give me a fucking break. I understand that some southerners leave the lights up all year long, but at least that have the intelligence to not turn them on, and, granted, some people believe that you should let the lights burn the first 12 days of January to signify each month of the new year. That being said, come January 14th or so, I should be able to drive down the road at night and see no Christmas lights. But oh no, some fucking lazy ass, pathetic asshole thinks it is 'cute' to continue to run them. It isn't keeping the spirit alive, it's pissing people off. There is this douche bag down the road .that has a fucking snow globe with Christmas lights in their yard, and they have them on every night. It is fucking February! This afternoon when I passed, I yelled out my window "It's February you fucking moron". I would love to know, are they stupid or can they not read a fucking calendar? I swear, give it a week, and if that fucking snow globe is still running, I am gonna shoot it. It annoys the fuck out of me.

Evilsboitoy.

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