This is pretty basic. I mean, you don't just walk in the door and whip it out while she's on the couch reading her Cosmopolitan as the dishes remain in the sink because she hasn't done shit all fucking day but grind on some unfamiliar cock. I suppose if it's at her apartment, you could piss on her anywhere as long as you're confident she won't freak out afterwards, but if you're at your place, I recommend the shower.
At first, this little stripper will be timid of your urine. She'll completely thwart your idea of even pissing on the back of her knees while she's under the shower head, claiming it's disgusting, but don't give up. Let about ten days go by and when you're in the shower together after a few comments have been made, just let it go on her lower back despite her resistance. Strippers nowadays usually have some tribal tattoo right there anyway so it's obvious they don't care about their body despite their vocation, nor have an original thought in their heads to begin with. She might get mad, but just cuddle with her that first night after you treat her like a urinal puck. She should forget all about that little bit of self-esteem she had earlier, but who knows.
Couple more weeks pass, piss on her again and if she finds you even remotely interesting, she won't yell this time. By the end of the month, I swear, you'll be pissing on her every time you two shower together. I promise, she'll eventually start smiling when she feels your warm rain on her in under six weeks, much like how prisoners become accustomed to stale bread.
Ultimately, she doesn't really have any self-esteem, so the pissing thing shouldn't be too hard to pull off. But now, it's time for you to do something for her.
2. Eat Her Out While She's On Her Rag.
It's not as bad as it sounds. Tampons do a hell of a job, man. All you really gotta do is work around the string. She might never say it directly to you, but in her head, it shows you really care to go down on her during her supposed excused 6 days of being the cunt she really wants to be the other 24 days of the month. I mean, sure, it smells a little different, but once you do this, it gives you a pass for something you want to do from that point onward, and as you keep reading, you're going to need that ticket to ride.
3. Fuck Her In The Ass.
To the rookies, it's best to introduce yourself to her ass with your tongue the first couple weeks---ya know, while you're eating her out. If your stripper girlfriend is White, it should all be shaved anyway, so just slide it down past the taint for a few days while you're down there, then one night focus on her ass with your tongue. I mean, really try to get it up there even though it won't go. This lets that junkie know you need in there without even saying a word.
Now, somewhere within the third week, fuck her doggy style for a bit then take one of your hands off her hip, curl your thumb up like a cup and put some spit on it then rub it on her asshole while you ram her, and at about the 43 second mark, slowly maneuver your thumb up in her brown eye (preferably pink.) Maybe even do this a couple more times within the week until she completely stops showing signs of restraint, i.e., saying "Oweeee, what's wrong with my pussy?" "I think I need more liquor to do that," or simply slapping your hand away. Don't give up, because it's essential within the next two weeks you put your dick in her ass. If you find yourself failing even after two weeks, resort to extreme amounts of alcohol.
Get her piss drunk (or just pick her up from work on a Friday) and spring for a tube of Anal-Eeez, whatever. Now, I don't condone Rohypnol or any other date-rape drug, but I suppose it depends on how stubborn the bitch really is. You simply have to fuck her in the ass because of the break-up that's going to eventually happen. For your own sanity, man! Just make sure you fuck her in the ass in under a month so you can move onto the next step.
4. Stank Ass Her.
This consists of your stripper girlfriend lying flat on her belly and you on top . . . a flat doggy style, if you will. Now, just when you're about to cum, you pull out, scoot up real quick and don't worry if your cum hits the back of her hair like the last 4 weeks; all you should be worried about is if you can wiggle your ass cheeks so the nape of her neck gets totally up in your crack. The sweatier you are the better because that's the more satisfaction you'll have once you throw her thongs out your front door and change the locks. If you can do this after fucking her pussy, then you're good, but if you can pull it out of her ass in this position and then stank ass her, you're a fucking god.
Now It's Over.
Now, these four things are essential to dating a stripper. This alcoholic beast will torment you verbally, manipulate you mentally, lie to you, probably steal, act like a sloth, likely assault you physically and soak your wallet all while you're under the influence of her presumably clean vagina, so you need all this shit to be done so you have piece of mind at the inevitable end.
Then when she calls you in under two weeks, drunk, high/geeked and wants to get back together with you, you need to say, "Hey, baby. I pissed on you, came in your ass, and made you smell like shit. What can possibly be left for us?"
Also, if that conversation happens to take place in public, make sure it's in a high-density pubic place and you have your own vehicle, because after you say that, you need to get up off the stool and walk out the door, during which she shouldn't assault you due to all the witnesses. If she ever again attempts to contact you in any way after you say that be it telephone, in person, E-mail, or a fucking passenger pigeon, then her self-esteem is so low that a geologist would likely consider it the second layer of the earth and you truly have found yourself a human slave.
Congratulations! You can now do everything that's left her father didn't already perform upon her poor soul.
FYI, not a single one of my stripper ex-girlfriends ever calls, sees me, or tells an acquaintance of ours to say hi, assumingly because they'd prefer to forget their time spent with me so they don't feel like larger pieces of shit for tolerating my demeanor while they were playing hobgoblin on my knob. I'd like to believe this is because I faithfully do all of the above to every stripper I date, therefore once she leaves, the headaches her voice has caused me for so many months are hopefully gone forever.
But, whatever. I'm just a piece of shit like that . . . embittered by soft harlots who think they're equal to me, yet all I see is a pet of some sort with a wet spot I couldn't really give a shit less about anymore. After some minor evaluation of my own ethical behavior to my last six stripper girlfriends, I've progressively gotten worse with each one. The jadedness has seeped into my brain cells and they're no longer able to produce compassion, sympathy, tollerance, praise . . . and quite possibly lust. I certainly wouldn't recommend me for catch of the month at Eharmony.com to another stripper or even a woman who doesn't pay her rent with singles. Christ, I think it's been nine years since I had one now that I think about it.
I was, quite simply, a fucking bastard advocating at least the fifth ring of Hell while I drove their self-esteems into mines buried deep beneath the greatest craters on Earth, and for that, you cunts, I truly am sorry.
You're still women and not low-priced whores. I know that now.
