Holy fuck. If I weren't so drunk right now, I would condense this into a T-shirt and sell 'em. Oh my God! This shit is hilarious ---> "But girls, take a look at yourselves for a second; you eat, sleep, breathe, shop, snort, and pay bills by the mercy of others. Stage dancing at clubs will soon replace waitressing as the number one job for single mothers."
The word 'mercy' made it happen. Good Lord . . .Oh my God, my gut. It's too funny! It's actually unfortunate we were all brought up/raised/taught that beauty deserves some automatic reward, when we all know damn well that strippers can't even look in the rear-view mirror and parallel park without an air traffic controller waving neon signs by the curb whilst screaming at the top of his lungs for her to stop at the fucking hydrant!
You strippers are dumb. I mean, rather than a wallet, I often feel I should have a pack of flashcards in my pocket . . . cards you might see pictures and numbers on, but I would view them as a rudimentary interpreter for what's about to come out of your mouths, which is normally about 97.0751% gibberish from the get go.
I mean, seriously. We all go to the zoo to see monkeys run around and wipe each other's red asses and maybe fuck each other. How you broads don't have your own 4pm-6pm showtime there, I don't know, but I would definitely buy a ticket.
I'm not even talking about strippers being whores right now. Collectively they could be the incarnate of Sodom and Gomorrah coming out of my Astro Glide bottle as I beat my shaft like a redheaded stepchild into a Teagan Presley blow-up doll I homemade, I don't give a shit. We're talking about thought processes and brain matter here, and I rest comfortably in the metaphor that if any stripper out there and I were to be playing dueling banjos, she would definitely be the kid on the porch.
Z.
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