I get all sorts of wacky, vacuous E-mails from people who think their opinion trumps mine. Mostly they're all crap and I laugh at them, but this guy has a serious question and it sounds as if he really needs some assistance. Interesting read, as you'll see here with some sound advice. And uhh . . . I copied his original E-mail verbatim, so it's a little painful to take in since he just doesn't have a solid relationship with his keyboard yet.
To: embittered@catharticlament.com
Subject: More of a question for you than saying you are wrong...
Date: Mon, 07 Jan 2008 00:27:03 -0500
From: XXXXXXXX@aol.com
Alright man - let me first put this out there that, yes, i know i do some douchebag things. I'm just getting that out of the way. I found your site somehow and I particularly read it for the stripper comments because I visit the strip club about once a month. I do enjoy them because they make me realize how much of an idiot i can be - although usually the next morning when i look in my wallet I tend to realize that as well.
Basically I'm writing to get some answers on some basic strip club shit...
1. Since i go once a month - i usually go with this one spanish lady (in here 30's) basically everytime. I have her number, she has mine. Since i tend to go with here everytime, does that make me a douchebag strip club patron? and a customer(im obviously assuming yes on this one) a different stripper once was like " ya when you walk in - the girls that have seen you know you belong to _____ and im like huh?...and she is like "oh we all talk baby ..."...which instantly frightened me into think i might be a friking a patron even thought it is just once a month...
2, I am younger so i do stupid shit sometimes but at the same time i don't believe the whole "wow this is the first time i've felt this about you" kind stripper comments. Everyone knows that is bullshit. But with this particular stripper - i know people that say they didnt get shit from her but i have a few different times. She loves to say "i don't do this with anyone- and dont tell anyone"...and she actually got pissed when she heard i told someone...So is it arlight to believe that she might be telling the truth? or am i falling for the dumbass customer falling in love stripper treatment still?
3. I do have her number - and she tells me to give her a call to say hi or if "i want to do anything". But she does talk about money a lot and isnt afraid to tell me about wanting me to spend money on her. The last few times she has said "we should just do a hotel for more private stuff" without cameras. Obviously i'd have to pay for it - but no more then what i pay in the strip club where there are cameras. Now she has said that older guys often ask her to do that but she never does it because she ends up getting scared - but she has started to mention it more often with me lately. Now im 21 - she is early 30's. Im a white italian boy - she is latina born in south america. Is it becaue she trusts me or is she still flat out lying and i need to stop being a douche by believing her.
Now basically i know alot of these are basically storytelling instead of questions but im just looking for some comments on it.
Like i said im a lot younger than her so obviously i have this hypnotized bullshit going on with this stripper but the fact that she gave me her number and tells me to call her just to say hi even. IS that just because she knows im a customer that pays or is there any slight chance that she doesnt think im a douche.
Also yes i realize the hotel thing is the same thing as prositution (its funny how when she is talking, you dont think of it that way..but when you are sober watching a football game the next morning you realize that it is the same fucking thing) and that is what is fucking crazy to me cause i do get pussy without payingin college but this chick has got me hooked and the sad part is i'd be willing to pay for it.
basically do i call her just to say hi even if im not going to strip club? do i do the hotel thing? any comments on what the fuck is up with this chick or possibility im not in the " this kid is a fucking loser" category...and she does sit with me when we arent doing dances the whole nite...and yes i read your post about "dude you arent that fucking interesting so she aitn sitting with you for the drinks"...but the lady dont drink...so i dont know if im out of that category..
Basically im just looking for any feedback since you seem to have a good grasp - if you need to be harsh so be it!....ALSO!! I aint trying to save this lady or bring home to mom! just want to make that clear but i do want to know an opinion of someone who works at strip clubs on what this lady really thinks of me when she is talking or sees me!
First, please take the time to ensure that any future e-mails are worded and spelled correctly. It takes me a lot longer if I keep having to re-read and guess, which brings me to the first problem; if you talk and act anything like you typed this letter, walking around a strip club, you would be a mark. No doubt. So tighten up your game. Try to remember, you don't need to talk or say anything. You can sit quietly and LISTEN. This will help.
Second, don't call that worthless wretch and think she wants to talk about the weather and other pleasantries. She wants money. She wants you to take her shopping. Or, if she is a real bottom-of-the-barrel ho (you said she was puerto rican?) she just wants to meet you somewhere and suck you off for some heroin money. No doubt, for sure, don't say a fucking word; that's how it is.
If you don't already have herpes, a topical yeast infection, or hpv (which are easily treatable but still a pain in the ass) you have no business fucking her for free or otherwise. Do you know what the average blowjob goes for in Puerto Rico? Not very much. Girls that AREN'T on drugs bargain just like the chicken-head hos up here. If you compound this with a drug problem, it's just for dope. Either way, these broads who 'come up' from there and work are used to giving up the ass for $45.50, so it cannot be that good to begin with.
Now maybe she is actually an American, born here etc. She is probably working with a pimp, or as I like to call it (more accurately I would argue) she has a SPONSOR.
Either way it goes, there is only a 50-50 chance that she will even give UP SEX in the 'hotel room' or wherever. There is a very good chance that she would lure you there, make you pay for the room, and then go into the bathroom or outside to smoke or get a soda and while she was out, some big Black man will come in and punch you in the face, take the money you have on you and leave. She will most likely be gone too, unless you see her at the club ALL THE TIME (which you SAY you don't; just once a month). If that is the case, she will come back in the room from outside (or re-enter from the bathroom) where she will tell you the most convincing lie about how she saw, and how she was afraid to say something or come to your defense, etc. How she got half a license plate, or some other bullshit to really 'sell' you on the deal. Then, if you get around to talking about pussy again, she will try to convince you to go to the ATM to get her the money. Your dumb ass may just do it, too: Pay her twice for what ain't worth half of what she was going to charge you originally. DO NOT DO THIS. If you do, you should cut yourself until it is deep enough that you bleed out because we do not need your kind clogging up the gene pool.
Now, if she is serious about just trading her fleshy yeast box for something useful, and you insist on doing it, take a few precautions.
First, let someone (preferably with more experience and smarter than you) know where you are and what you are doing. Obviously your mom would be out, but there has to be someone you could tell that wouldn't rat you out. You need that as a security; someone you can at least call if you think anything is not right.
Second, guess what the price is before you meet her and have it ready. When she starts talking money or 'gifts' let her know what you are offering. If you say how much is_____, she will respond with five times the amount you want to pay. Believe me, if she thinks you have $100 on you, and $100 is all you can get, she will take it. Though, if she agrees to meet you for only $100, she is a SCAB or a THIEF--Just trying to give you an example.
Third, do not take any attitude. If she gets shitty and acts like she'll do it, but she is not happy about what you are offering, that means she will walk out of the room asap, whether your happy or not. Once the cash is in her hand, all bets are off. If she won't at least suck it a little first, she is robbing you.
I hear so many stories from customers (and girls) about how they get scammed/scam; it all is so clear to me. But you know, you have a hard-on, you're thinking about nothing but sinking the pink and the rest of your brain is not functioning . . . you'll get caught up.
Fourth, never under any circumstances, let this marauder know where you live or work. If it is too late for that, find another girl at a different club. Trust me on this.
Moving on, all the stuff you said about how you have conversations, what you talk about, why she spends time with you, and the like.......Please, please stop it.
You are young so I can understand.
You grew up in a time where some portion of the sixteen-year old girls you went to school with were already figuring, 'Fuck, if plan A doesn't work out, I can always be a stripper. It is easy and I hear the money is as much as I would make for four years of college.' I can only imagine what it was like to have to be subjected to that mentality at such a young age. If a girl I went to school with was basically a loser and had no prospects, she wouldn't make the leap to prostitute so easily. With the way 'upscale' clubs have been popping up the last 12-14 years, some more impressionable girls---in their teens---may actually believe that this business is less grimy that prostitution. It is when they get in (and I mean the nice dumb ones only) and they see how vile it can be, they turn to drugs and alcohol. That's just how it is and the ones that PLAN it out early and know how it will be, STAY AWAY.
It is interesting (I'm digressing) how different it was from the early to the late 90's. Cell phones made everybody drop the torch of responsibility; now when you say you will meet someone at five o'clock, you can just be late and call or txt them. You can make plans on a permanent spur-of-the moment style all the time. One can avoid actually committing time and a promise to anyone because one would just say, 'well, I'll call you'.
Anyway, look at the club for what it is, entertainment. If you want to get laid, fine, waste your hard-earned money. It will be the most worthless sex you may ever have and you will miss the cash you part with. As far as actually 'dating' a girl that works in the industry . . . how pathetic. Never going to happen. Even the girls who ARE looking for a relationship will not date you because you are a customer. You may be able to be their trick or their sugar daddy, but not an actual boyfriend.
Some stripper may get angry with me for saying that. They need that connection [illusion] to make your money. The last thing they would have you believe is that they are being insincere, but they are because that's how they pay the rent . . . or their crack dealer. No hate, it's just a game so if you play be aware of the rules.
I saw a term on Craigslist the other month, and it is a term that is pertinent here: GFE. It stands for Girl Friend Experience. It is a type of prostitution in where the scamp actually acts, in certain ways, like a real girlfriend would. (I had to look it up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girlfriend_experience). This is what they are masters at. Know it and handle it and you will survive.
All the things she says to you at the club whether it is about the girl you brought with you or yourself are just part of the routine. I mean if you think about it, what IS a girl supposed to bring up? How much she liked the first time she had someone plow her ass, without permission, and how she likes to relive the experience every time she takes on a new john/client/'boyfriend'? See what I am getting at?
Even if you date a semi-sane one, even if she made all your sexual fantasies come true, it would not last. Most of those girls do not know what they want. They say they do but they do not. Then comes the jealousy, hers and yours. You will get tired of seeing her grind stranger's cocks for twenty bucks almost as quick as she will 'accidentally' go through your phone to see who you are talking to.
Whenever you think monogamy, do you envision a girlfriend lying to strangers, trivializing your existence or denying you completely? Telling any man anything he wants to hear just so she can have an opportunity to rub his tiny dick for three to four minutes while whispering in his ear about how she can meet him at a hotel right after work as long as he can be quick and he remembers to drop two one-hundred dollar bill on his way out the door? Point is, whether it happens JUST LIKE THAT or not, you will always THINK it does once you develop feelings. Then what, you tell her to quit dancing and I can support you while you (fill in the blank) a. finish school. b. try to get a job waitressing/bartending/selling real estate/going to beauty school, etc. c. let her be 'free' and watch her develop in ways she never had a chance to before?
It does not work that way, pal. Even if it did, why subject yourself to that bullshit? She will just end up dancing again---50-1 odds on that, all day. In regard to the few straight girls that DO dance to pay for college, then quit, or dance just for five years to bankroll some money, then quit......Few and far between, and do you really think they wasted all that time to date YOU? Ha fucking ha, YOU CLOWN! Nothing personal, just saying....
They have their own ideas about what an ideal boyfriend/husband is and you are not it. Want to know reason number one? You patronize strip clubs. She wants a man she can sugar coat what she 'did years ago, in my youth' to; someone she can start talking to only AFTER she has quit successfully and will not be able to draw on any images they once saw.
I hope you are getting all this because I don't usually waste this much time on something so simple. I just realize what I would have been like at twenty-one, as a starry-eyed pup, first time in a bar, let alone a strip club. I would have fallen for it once, maybe almost any guy could. Take my advice; you are young so stay in decent shape so you can fuck all the way through your twenties and still get a hot, smart chick when you are thirty-five or older, then get married. If you start dating some girl (not a stripper) and you get along well, fine. Even better if she likes to go to clubs with you and talk about having three-ways with the girls there. It will probably never happen because most of those girls don't give you anything for free, but then at least you and your girlfriend will have a good time hanging and a great time fucking, thinking about some pig you could have paid to lay on the floor and lick your ass while you fuck your girl.
I love strippers, they consist of a portion of my friend base, but dating them just does not work. To be fair, it does not work for them either. When you work together, it becomes tough. Either you allow yourself to realize you are dating a soft prostitute or you get jealous. Worthless. If you are a customer, you will have to stop coming in. Trust me you will stop, or it will just be a waste of time for both of you.
Let me give you a quick reference: If a dancer says you are her boyfriend, if other girls or bouncers know, and management still lets you come in the club, it means one of two things: You are either at a total hole in the wall so desperate for business that they will tolerate your behavior, or, more likely.....YOU ARE NOT REALLY HER BOYFRIEND. Hope that clears it up.