Dude, my earliest memory of a woman, ya know, in the sense of her actually taking care of my sorry ass, was when I was 16. This chick would cater to the frozen pizzas in the freezer and actually ball my socks into two then put them in the top drawer, and let me tell ya . . . those were good times because strippers haven't really been doing jack shit for me the last decade.
That chick did everything but lick my asshole clean, as I'm sure most of you have had a broad who thought you were the shit after high school and tried with her almightiness to keep you in her life despite you wanting to trade her in for a slightly quieter, sexier model. Likely slimmer, as well.
Evolution in relationships.
So this whole fidelity/marriage thing has me perplexed at the age of 33, and it's not even the part of keeping your dick into only one woman while you and her share a verbal commitment that no one else's DNA shall be sampled during that time. Pussy is pussy, and I don't give a fuck what anyone says.
I mean, yea, a chick might ride you more aggressively; she might talk a little dirtier while you rub her cervix with your dick's head, but sex is basically sex. There really is no 'bad lay' for us guys. You're all just the same cum-dumpster with a different face, unless of course a man is accustomed to fucking strippers or anorexics then suddenly he starts rappin' with a wildebeest who wants extra cheese on her 3 Whoppers, then yea, the bolts on the headboard might become loose after 2 weeks, but whatever.
I'm just saying, I don't want any women out there to think her pussy has the Midas touch, because it doesn't. It could be that slit between your legs we poke or a warm tenderloin in a vice grip we'd preheated; doesn't matter; we wouldn't know the difference between your two holes or a midget's armpit having just shaved. You're nothing special. I mean, yea, we might close our eyes and THINK about fucking someone finer than you, but the pussy is all pretty much the same. The only marks you can make on our memory banks pertain to thrust, suction, verbal filthiness and willingness to clench your jaw after we charitably make you cum. So . . .
Shut the fuck up. Like a mime in a clown rodeo, don't say a word and just listen, baby.
To be fair, chicks don't think you're all that in bed, dude. I know personally because I've fucked a few chicks whose previous males had thought they'd 'served' some satisfaction to, but to be quite honest, I'm tired of playing pinch hitter and at the same time my ego is amp'd. It's all crap, though. A lot of guys apparently don't know how to eat a pussy correctly, because I can think of 3 strippers off the top of my head who had said they'd never cum in some particular way/position and then I'd made it happen for them in less than three weeks, and I'm only one being. Imagine what the real male whores could do. Either way, both sexes are fucked at the start. Trying to find each other's hot spot is like reading a book with the pages torn out.
Guys, you CANNOT watch porno of some dickweed eating a woman's vagina and think that's the way to make her cum. NO. NO-NO-NO. But this post isn't about how to satisfy your girl in any way sexually; it's more about how you simply cannot satisfy your girl, period.
So when we get rid of sex and try to focus upon why men and women try to conjoin residencies, procreate or simply piss-off their parents by shacking up, specifically after the sex has worn off, we're left wondering how these two entities could expect to cohabitate when they don't even speak the same language.
Boys, you're dating a chick and she checks your phone or your gay Myspace page therefore she was raised insecurely. That's why she always asks while on your phone 'Who are you talking to?' Even after the call ends, 'Who was that?' Sometimes the simple bitch will be nestled in your stank armpit while you two are watching "Dirty Love" and your girlfriend will ask, 'Who's prettier, me or Jenny McCarthy?" (By the way, lie to her.)
See . . . This is why we hate your voice and its fucked-up noise. --->
A woman's question is ALWAYS who? A man's question is ALWAYS why?
A woman wants to know WHO you met for lunch. A man wants to know WHY you're asking?
A woman wants to know WHO is coming over for dinner. A man wants to know WHY haven't you preheated the oven?
A woman always wants to know WHO was talking shit about her; a man always wants to know WHY his girl was under scrutiny.
Essentially, both WHO and WHY are both results of paranoia. Know why?????
Because neither gender knows how the fuck the other thinks!! It's insanity.
See, this is the type of shit on why men and women cannot cohabitate because men have different priorities/mental circuitry than women. Sure I could throw up stats that 62% of all marriages end in divorce, but that's a copout. Because I'm a man, I think all you broads are fucked, but because I'm not treating you like every other male you associate with in your day-to-day lives, in your minds I'm fucked for not thinking how you/they do, probably because I've already had your pussy and realized it isn't anything worth framing.
One could always take D-'s approach to it all. Heh. Here's an ad he actually put out on
Craigslist.
Hey, I am a decent looking single white guy that lives in xxxxxxxxx. I am in search of a woman that is as crazy as possible. Not crazy as in dissociative-disorder-can't-keep-track-of-her-personalities, etc; the type of woman who, after one time having a fun night of drinking and sex, has decided that we are 'soul-mates' and should be together forever.
You must be willing to stand outside of my apartment door on nights when I don't let you in and cry/whine so loud that my neighbors beg me to do SOMETHING. You should be so subservient that you are willing to lay on the floor next to me while I sit in a chair, and beg me for attention. The more I ignore you, the more 'in love' you will become.
In fact, about the only time you should act sane is when we are having sex; and the only way for me to shut you up during one of your 'episodes' is to stick my dick inside you. If this sounds like you, and you are single, please respond.
Funny shit! I've re-read it plenty. But let's just say that did happen and some girl succumbed to his bait. Would it really work out beyond some sticky orgasms? Probably not, because after he'd gotten what he'd originally asked for, something on her or his end would have came up and caused drama. And allow me to stick this in right here if there were no better point in the post to put it: FUCK THE DRAMA. Save the other party the goddamn Advil and shut the fuck up already if it's just about sex.
Men and women always have this form of jealousy/insecurity called drama. It's why we can't live together nowadays: there are too many alluring influences out there for the weak-willed. Then what? Date for months and lie to each other about your own discrepancies. Great; then trickles-in the animosity/resentment on your part and from her side of sanity or your side of logic?
I hate your noise and that fucked up voice. Check it: resentment.
I just got out of a ten-month relationship with a chick who, yea, did a lot right by me for about 6 days straight, but somewhere around the 7-10th day every time we'd gotten back together something went awry. This is what I eventually thought of her, taken directly from a post I'd made on the
forum.
"My last stripper girlfriend of nine months and I are finally done with, so I can come out and admit this comfortably. See, she's a manipulative, emotional, insecure, jealous plane crash of a human being, and nine-months worth of "Who are you talking to?!, Why does she hug you?!, Why are you on your computer so much?!, I need attention!!" instilled some resentment within me of her. (Ya know, along with her abortion, attitude, screaming, lying, cock-grinding, etc.)
As well, being in the strip club industry and knowing people from different clubs around Milwaukee had also made me aware of a few men she had previously spread her legs for; men who are basically just pieces of shit, and when I thought of my little princess being poked by these man-whores, it made me think she was just a piece of shit as well, which she turned out to be because as the saying goes, "love is blind."
So, resentment coupled with her amoral choices made me in the latter months of the relationship close my eyes sometimes and envision her being gang-banged by these local men. They'd tag-team her pussy and ass in my mind and call her "whore" and "bitch" and maybe slap her around a bit if not simply spit on her all the while laughing about it. In my mind, she loved it as well.
Sometimes I'd grind my teeth while on top of her, close my eyes, drill cancer onto her cervix and just think, "Yea, this is what you're for, you fucking whore. Take that dick, you slut-cunt," while those guys were waiting for their turn. A couple times, I think they were cheering me on, but that's only in the mental scenario when I wanted her to be crying during the sex . . . then I could cum."
So ya see? We lie in different colors. Different shades, rather.
Men are black and white. Women are gold and sequence . . . with heels, and eyelashes, lipstick, fake tits, garter belts and tip-out---ALL LIES. You can't bed these bitches down, make babies and expect them to be faithful once their nipples return to their natural shape/color. Women have too many options these days. It was bad enough they got birth control, careers and quite possibly the presidency, but you have to remember unless they're some unbecoming, 300lb paraplegic, a chick gets offered dick 50 times a day, stripper or not. Nowadays, any woman is going to take hedonism over morality any minute. Well, okay . . . fine. Maybe not every one, but pretty damn close, and I know damn-well the ones I'm not talking about are still superficial.
Look, every rational, sane person out there knows the number scale. We all pretty much know what someone's physical stature is, therefore we can also assume that outside of some wad of money, 7s will date 7s, 8s will fuck 8s, and 9s will marry 9s. Men lose out here because we can't prettify ourselves to make the world flirt with us more. I mean, we can, but who the fuck respects transvestites/faggots?
Interior decorators, maybe, which brings me to how the house should be kempt when a man and a woman share rent (like that bitch can pay, anyway.) Chicks complain about whiskers on the bathroom sink, bread crumbs on the kitchen table, and totally stupid shit like why we're always holding our nut sacks. These complaints typically come after they've spent 2 hours in the bathroom mirror, haven't washed a dish since the last time you talked to your mother, and for whatever reason, ALWAYS need assistance with finding their keys/purse.
"Where's my keys!?!?" "Have you seen my purse?!?"
In our heads we always think, "Yea, bitch. I don't have enough going on in MY life, I'm in a constant vigilant stance over your basic, day-to-day items, moron."
HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW WHERE YOUR GODDAMN PURSE IS!!??!
I know damn-well there ain't no money in it for me. Just some cards you've abused and fucked your life up with, which now, for some reason, transfer to my side of accountability.
Females, put an algorithm together that will justify your credit debt. YOU CAN'T.
You can't do anything but fuck/suck/spend/lie.
Once again, to be fair, you girls can't trust us, either. We either have an alcohol/drug addiction, gambling itch or some chick we dated 5 years ago who is still peppering our skin with her special brand of vagina oil. Don't live with us. Stop lying to yourselves that the one ex-girl of ours we still talk to is now just an acquaintance: we will always want to still fuck her because, to be quite honest, she is better in bed than you . . . but women can prevail . . . if they'd just fucking listen to me.
If you'd just heed the forthcoming advice, you could control us. Live with us. Marry us. Own us.
We hate your voice with its fucked up noise, so . . .
SUCK MORE DICK.
You chicks could get nearly everything you wanted out of almost every man if you'd just give more blow-jobs. It's roughly 12 minutes out of your day. Consider the 2-hour mirror time, 3 on the phone and the other 8 at your whack-ass job, I mean, get real. Give us 12 minutes and stop being selfish.
Then mix it up a bit.
Road head: hook it up once a week in the car instead of talking/playing with the radio. After you're done, we'll be more attentive to what you have to say.
Alarm clock: Turn it off five minutes before it's about to awaken us and suck our dick. It's a free pass to do whatever you want the rest of the day.
Painstakingly over at your family's house: Take us in the basement while everyone else is upstairs and gobble a nut. The rest of the visit will be all smiles after we return to the group, plus we might actually talk to your mom.
We're watching a movie/show you hate: suck our dick. It shows us that it doesn't always have to be about you.
We're on the phone with someone you hate: Guess what'll get us to end the call faster: Your snotty looks or pumping our dick in your mouth like a piston?
This is all common sense to me. Sucking more dick would make your lives at least 35% better with your man/trying to keep/land the one you want. And put some enthusiasm into it; don't be a lazy cocksucker. We want you to suck it like you're dying and there's medicine in there.
It's ten minutes a day, ladies. Get with it, already.
You wanna be a homemaker? Start making a home worth living in.