I must inform everyone that I have officially gone guru. Once one has "gone guru" it means that NOBODY can tell you differently because anything and everything you do or say sets precedence, and to be real honest, I've had far too many people tell me within the last 19 months that I kick ass for you to even argue with me.
I've also had cunts tell me that I'm a piece of shit . . . but I don't really listen that well to women.
Onward . . .
Hey, man, I'm sure there are plenty of you out there who have a drooling cousin, abnormal brother, or perhaps even a kid who should have had a "sweet sixteen" yet you were wiping his/her mouth during "sweet twenty-two." And let me tell ya, along with those first 21 years, that shit wasn't sweet at all, I bet.
Let me get it out of the way: I might lose a few Myspace "friends" because of this post since roughly 68% of you have a family member or are mildly stricken with Down Syndrome yourselves, but that's completely okay with me. I'll take the hit in "paradise" statistics.
Fact is that the Special Olympians and the lazier members of that team regale. Well, I'll be more accurate, what's really funny are the bronze medalists actually thinking they did something in life, and hey . . . I admire their ineluctable naïve nature. If I'd have been so oblivious while dating strippers, I might have a comfy corner office space job right now instead of in a deejay booth working with the semi-retarded in the first place.
I'll be honest, I don't get out much except the strip clubs I work within, so I don't see retards that often, however I can recall roughly 20+ times I've been awake at 9 am and had decided to give Ronald McDonald some money so pancakes and egg Mcmuffins could grease my colon, and if anything, I'll call McDonalds stereotypical bastards because they always got some retard bussing trays and mopping floors; A dude or a chick with half a tongue hanging out their mouth while wiping the table I'm about to sit at: and that's fucking bullshit.
I don't know who sat there last, so do I want someone who plays with Play-Doh at 8:35 am then when 11:00 am hits, he's twirling his own pubes for lifelike kaleidoscope effects then wiping down the table I'm about to eat at? Fuck no.
Think I'm outta line thus far? Hey, talk to Bubbles (holy fuck, I love Trailer Park Boys.)
What if I flip the script? Let's say I'm sick of Corky mopping floors and wiping down the soda machines. Maybe this 23-year old who still slurps Gerber through a straw should be behind the counter managing.
Now it's a different story, ain't it?
Picture it: a Down Syndrome-stricken manager at Burger King.
Hey, you calm the fuck down. Now, don't blame me for what everyone thinks but is afraid to say: Nobody aspires to a cell cage littered with failure and stupidity, (unless you're in Alabama or Idaho.)
Give all the retards to women who have been craving a baby forever.
Sure, in her original thought process she'd get a baby for roughly 2 years, but then it would start to evolve into something beyond what a flashcard could colorfully teach. I say give all the water heads to "die-hard" parents; those desperate people who REALLY want a baby. Play stork and drop it off on their doorstep and say, "Hey, you wanted a baby . . . Have a fucking blast the next twenty-five years. You won't be able to pick it up by age eleven, but if you like wiping asses, this kid is a fucking gold mine!"
Ya know . . . as usual, I can sense some of you people pulling away from me here, but let's get real. Having a water head is no different than a dog or a Mexican janitor . . . well, let's go with a ferret. Yes, no different than a ferret or a Mexican janitor.
The thing runs around, doesn't have a clue what it's looking for and at the end of its 20-minute bouncing-off-the-walls session, returns to its cage so you can give it a treat. And if you're lucky it will go to sleep for 2 hours while you sit there and have no choice but to smell it. Indeed smell it, because just like Mexican janitors and ferrets, retards fucking stink.
Obviously Mom and Dad fucked up because otherwise they wouldn't have sent out a human who smells like burnt diesel. Seriously, if you haven't experienced a frothing mongoloid in a public place, they always wreak of some form of gasoline or cheap beef jerky and I'm tired of pretending it's only their tongues I can't make fun of, so fuck it: from here on out, let it be known all water heads must use the "underground" roll-on applicator known as Jack Link's---That or at 4:20 when everyone else is smoking weed, these mother fuckers are out gnawing on propane tanks like a chew toy.
I mean, for real, how hard is it to shower a retard, anyway? Throw it some gummy worms, add some Cascade gels and grab the nearest garden hose then pretend like there's no water bill. Fuck, I know they don't like closed spaces, but for the love of Christ, even dogs lick each other's asses in a kennel; give each other a bone.
Or ya know what? Don't clean them. Fine. Hopefully you as "parents" to these barely-functional invalids will stop sending them into fast food restaurants and put them in a better place: A destination unknown. And where is that, you ask?
WAR
Yea, I said it: Send all the retards to war as to be something of an innocuous skirmish. If nothing else, admire the middle finger I throw up to "reticence" because I happen to think it's fucked up to recruit strayed individuals, train them to do sit-ups, then hand out grenades and fully automatic weapons and finally fly them to unfamiliar masses of land to kill other humans who didn't really have a choice to experience life to their fullest.
I guess it all depends on how you view things.
It's not right to pit two sides of the same "team" against each other and fight for their fleetingly short lives. I don't care about politics, oil costs, greed of preferred land or whatever-the-fuck your country's leader publically declares what you need to defend. And one certainly shouldn't care about what the media/President declares as a "terrorist" therefore "we" "need" to fight.
Life wasn't meant to be strife, remember that.
Troglodytes got along better than this. Sure, we can safely assume there were more than two cavemen sharing acrimonious grunts thereafter beat each other in the head with a T-Rex fibula because the whole ignorant clan wanted the blonde . . . but consider the source.
If you want to go to war, pit two of God's afterbirth in a backyard and place a bet . . . but if you all think your brother, cousin, father or child should be thousands of miles away from you, terrified of dying with a gun in hand because of some continent's money, then who's really the retard?
All I'm saying is, if the hierarchy of continents implores soldiers go battle to the death for some bullshit THEY think is important, either go fight the fucking war yourselves . . . or send retards in, because really, their lack of interpersonal connections suggests inessential "neighbors" some of us just don't wish to deal with.
Fly 'em in! Look: this little prick is sure ready to roll.
For real. Fuck your kids. And if they're retarded, fuck 'em twice-over. If I can take a rubber bone and entertain a dog for 3 minutes, I shouldn't have the ability to dangle the same toy in front of another person's face to lead them into naptime, HOWEVER, if I can . . . then yes, we should probably send that mother fucker overseas in a corset laced with C-4 and let him/her play Wilde E. Coyote.
I mean, if SOMEONE out there taught Al-Qaeda terrorists that there were 72 virgins awaiting them after martyrdom, I alone should be able to convince a short-bus full of virgins to kill 72 Al-
Qaedians if I promised just one stripper afterwards.
Seems logical to me; Send 'em in! I'll line up that fucking whore. She will do more for that boy than some medal we all know he didn't deserve in the first place.
Wanna call me an asshole for suggesting this method of coming to a conclusion? Go for it, asshole. If you read this site then you know I'm right.
And I'm not strictly picking on the retarded. Here:
Roughly 270,000 Black men are incarcerated at the moment for weapons charges, and when I say "incarcerated" I mean flat-out prison time for shooting their fucking guns like a fucking moron. You and I both know the difference between "Black people" and "niggers," but right now we're going with the "N" word.
Mr. Governement, wanna save tax-payers money? Well, seems pretty obvious to me that instead of building more prisons and locking up more humans who are obviously ready to kill for no reason, you might as well stock those funds in jet airlines, teach the garboons how to pull a rip cord and drop them near your designated target. How to operate a fully-functional automatic weapon appears to be the curriculum in the ghetto, so why not put that manpower to use as you sit in your fucking leather chair and give excuses as to why after-school programming is being cut.
Take the Gulf War, for instance.
Total fucking Bush bullshit, but our parents ate it up as the media portrayed it as "victorious for the USA," all the while soaking in the government's chicanery.
Neat, if you didn't have a child who died because of complete and utter political hype. I knew better, though. Even back at 18 years of age I knew it was senseless, so I still think retards should have been tagged and shipped . . . "retards" even in "G" form. We could have called them "G-tards" if ya wanna get witty about it.
All you really need is the proper
motivation to get anyone to do anything, so with the
gangstas, one really wouldn't even need recognizance or detailed maps to put their urban psychosis to good use . . . coulda just went with the one I created.
Sure, they might have gone the wrong way, but when it comes to war, I don't see there being an actual correct direction. (And had that actually happened, it would have saved quite a few hours of MTV airing their carp shit the last 15 years, by the way.)
I mean, yea, I can see why people would look at me and say, "Dude, there's just some things you shouldn't say," but fuck you. It's nothing everyone isn't already thinking, anyway. Bet it's sure easy to say when you're on the phone with your brother or best friend; I'm putting it out in public. So fucking what.
Why not send in the oblivious? Why not recruit the blood-thirsty?
Who the fuck is giving a shit about the suburbanites who didn't necessarily have their heads up their collective assholes, but are dead right now because they couldn't stoically sidestep bullets and land mines?
Marine Lance Cpl. Michael Philip Scarborough, 28, of Washington, who was killed Oct. 30, 2004, when an explosives-laden vehicle attacked his convoy near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Lt. Noah Harris, 23, of Ellijay, a 2003 UGA grad, who was killed June 17, 2005, while on patrol in Buritz, Iraq.
Army Staff Sgt. Marion Flint Jr., 29, formerly of Athens, who was killed while on patrol May 15, 2006, when a bomb exploded near his vehicle in Balad, Iraq.
Army 1st Lt. Ashley Henderson Huff, 23, a 2004 UGA grad, who died Sept. 19 when a suicide bomber attacked her convoy in Mosul, Iraq.
Anyone of these people could be your next door neighbor right now, and maybe they'd sporadically help your mom in with groceries, or pick your very own kid up from school because his/her kid is in the same class. Anyone of those soldiers could have been your bowling buddy, dentist, but instead they died for absolutely no reason, forever unable to express their indignation and the only people who remember them are their families. And me.
The point of this post is to simply say if the "hierarchy" of man is going to force other men to battle, then I must insist we send the incompetent or mildly handicapped-in-the-brain instead of possible contributors to modern day society, and I don't even consider myself to be that altruistic of a modern being, because really, I don't give a shit about any of ya.
Hell, send strippers over there by the boatload. That would be fun-filled if the enemy reverted to POW (prisoners of war) instead of execution. Shit, I'd fucking love it: few thousand bitches in a cage getting pelted with rocks and miscellaneous timber for six months straight = visual bliss for me. To this day I don't know why countries around the world "Kamikaze" males when it's well known strippers/whores are not of nubile decree, therefore are deservingly expendable.
Kill 'em since I legally cannot.
This arcane idea of war: it's okay if you're not a proponent; just go with it because I'm right.
Or don't. Run through the jungle with "issues" taped over your eyes, I don't give/care a fuck/damn. I don't care because they can't tell you what to do once you've "gone guru," which I have.
