Karaoke is everywhere something cool is not. It's a painful onslaught of audio misfortune where every vocal thespian needs attention in yet another way, even when it's negative. It has to be negative. I don't even need any proof of this nor does me admitting I've never once sat through an entire song being sung by a moron make my statement less true. If the majority of idiots on American Idol become "gonged" for being talentless cry babies, it only takes a shard of common sense for me to figure out any sloshed fat chick at some local bar should be bludgeoned in a dark alley while hail stabs her from the sky for her shortcomings as an entertainer.
Naturally I say "her" because I would assume no man has ever partaken in karaoke unless he drinks Appletinis and takes it in the jaw. People who sing some redundant song to a room full of morons are the same persons who eat tofu and burn potpourri. I'm not even entirely sure how karaoke works, just like potpourri. I'm a man therefore how the fuck could I? (Far too busy doing things in life that matter a little bit.)
Well, I don't have the facts, but women have yet again fucked something up that was already fucked, just as they are destined to do. They took a simple idea like singing someone else's song over an instrumental and dummied it down to its lowest common denominator then decided to sell it to other birdbrain parents in a repeated package of bullshit entitled Kidz Bop (If my mild research proves correct, this collection of audible massacres is on installment 15 right now.)
Yea. It's definitely what YOU make it, gang, considering the end user is the one who fucks it up the most. If you're unfamiliar with this ensemble of talentless, nose-picking liars, here's the lowdown: Roughly 6-10 children are huddled in a recording studio whereafter they likely practice for thirteen days to get just one song correct. Adolescents conjointly sing over an instrumental while a panel of women are recording whilst still thinking in their soccer-mom heads this is a good idea. Professional children's karaoke is done about ten more times with different popular songs until an entire album is "cut." It then gets mastered, packaged and finally shipped to Wal-Mart and such so mothers can put down Dad's money to keep their kids entertained (while he's working) so she can watch more soap operas/eat more pie. All of the children whom own any Kidz Bop CD are likely locked in a basement or spare bedroom of some sort so Mom can focus upon what's important to her, which is naturally TV and food.
The kids jump around like an animated piñata while singing completely off-key, tripping and busting their shit every minute and thirty seconds. They are no closer to knowing why they're sequestered in a room than they are eligible to attempt opening their screeching voices in the first place. If talent were a prerequisite to partake in Kidz Bop, every child out there claiming ownership of the CD would've been put on the front line and shot. It's a god-awful travesty having children collectively sing songs we're all tired-of-shit hearing anyway, but when you put a complete novice in front of the television and add their howling and giggling into the mix, I can hear the screams from my forefathers echoing in my DNA as I sit here because even they are pissed off this is happening.
Yes, Kidz Bop goes further into the catacombs of shittiness and makes actual videos for children to pull up on the 'ol DVD player and jump around like Charles Manson upon a corpse. The end result is a fine example of how diaphragms, Depo shots, condoms and the withdraw method have failed everyone on Earth.
KidzBop.com denies this, of course, because of money . . . and we all know money = more food for gluttonous whores. I've found one disgruntled customer, though. He's fucking awesome.
If that wasn't enough proof that KidzBop sucks complete homeless ass, they are racist as shit. For real. Fucking assholes. I never came across a business that has such adversity to the colored. Don't believe me? Check the facts:
I went to Yahoo (mixed with KidzBop; no fucking surprise) and they even ask us if there are other groups of musicians we'd like to see on upcoming DVDs/CDs. Clearly you and I are waiting for some good shit from these little pricks:
Indeed.
Line up some little bastards who can throw me some Faygo and blood while I listen to their dross.
Hey, man. You don't have to entrust in this post to understand how KidzBop infringes upon a state of complacency. Just as KidzBop pronounced, the anti-brilliance of children can be viewed publicly; their horrific videos for all the world to see. If you have the time, medication and overall attention span equivalent to that of a koala, take a brief look at what our fellow elders have allowed their kids to poison the rest of society with; Just a few reasons why adults should be required a license of some sort to purchase and use a camcorder and not have a safe.
Click here to feel good about your kids still playing with Legos.
For real. Go watch some of that shit. I'll wait . . .
. . .
I can totally see the KidzBop videos being more of porno for pedophiles than existing as some bleak form of entertainment for God's afterbirth known as adolescents.
Bottom line:
Your kids can't sing.
They can't dance.
And they sure as shit don't know when to shut the fuck up in public, so why encourage them to have thoughts of their own?
They don't need music. They require 1200 B.C. lashings until the sands smile or until the whip resembles something of beef jerky. For real, whoop their fucking asses!!!
When I see an 8-year old out and about, I don't wonder why it's happy . . . I find myself drawn to the idea of why his/her face isn't bruised. And why is that, you ask?
Because the parents are failing as supervisors to these dipshits, and yet you take them to McDonald's to acquire more songs, you fucking asshole adults, you.
Great. Just what kids need nowadays: more cancerous food and shitty music. Must be Mom's choice: Mayor Fatass McCheese. Hopefully you suck down Slim-Fast milkshakes the way the rest of us pound down bottled water. By 2012 we might have the ability to stuff you through a tractor tire. Mothers = enablers for younger muses. Stupid bitch.
Holy Christ on the cross, the echoes in my DNA are intensified reverberation right now. I must go before I say something I regret.
Z. <--- Drop me/pick me up like a bad habit.
P.S. I am a better singer than your kids. I eat pussy better, too, which is funny since all your kids suck dick at everything.
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